Jeff Bezos’ Furry Secret – Stuck in Customs

Jeff Bezos’ Furry Secret

A New NFT from Isabella

Check out the animated NFT here. (Auction winner also gets the concept sketch for this artwork.)

Note to gentle readers, this is a twisted love triangle that involves Elon Musk (who will soon be revealed as “Chi Chi Sparklemaster”), Furries, Drones, Snakes, and Birds.

It’s a cool night with a gentle breeze. Come, come, sit down by the fireplace, my gentle audience. Allow me to tell you a tale of the ages.

Our tale begins with a woman that was secretly married to a bird that had an unusual “kink” where the bird would poop into her mouth. Everything was fine until the snakes got involved. Don’t worry, we’ll get to the Jeff & Elon bit in a minute. First, we need to build up the universe.

Okay so there is a classic Disney romance happening. Boy meets girl. Boy has a snake coiled around his arm, as does the girl. Girl has a secret marriage with a bird. The boy also has a bird. The bird is not a metaphor for Twitter, so get that right out of your head. Well, wouldn’t you know it, but the two birds start having a side-romance. To make matters more complicated, snake #1 fell in love with bird #2. Snake #2 (keep up!) called the other one a “hypocrtical bitch” (if you can believe it). Anyhoo, as the snakes are having marriage issues, the two birds continue to fall in love.

Meanwhile, there is a distant wolf that falls in love with another wolf. Consider this a David Lynch dream sequence.

Now, back to the story.

Elon, whose zoolatry doppelganger you can no doubt purloin, is just kind of along for the ride. Or so he says. He’s actually totally into Jeff’s baldness, but society says baldness is not desirable. There’s a lot of internal dialog and self-doubt with Elon. Just giving you some character insight here. So, Elon lashes out and hires one of those planes that drag a sign behind them in the air that says “Jef Is A Furry” to create a bit of FUD. Evil Amazon launches delivery drones armed with guns to take down the plane, but this is obvious in the artwork.

Now, it turns out that Elon’s furry gambit was just a wild guess, but, he was correct! Jeff is a furry! But not the kind of furry one would expect.

You see, Jeff is indeed a furry, just without the fur. He’s a completely hairless mole rat in a pile of flesh and he prefers to go by the furry-name “Naked Newton.” Elon is, of course, a huge fan of the boldness and the baldness, so he goes up to Naked Newton to get an autograph, and NN decides to sign it with a gun! He shoots Elon in the foot! So Elon gets all dramatically happy, snapping his fingers in the air and screams enthusiastically “Slay Queen!” And now we come to the time where the story is about to get weird.

So now that Elon has met his idol, he feels free to finally become himself. He dons some hot leather boots with heels, some fishnets and other womanly garb, and then assumes the name “Chi Chi Sparklemaster.” Jeff can’t help but notice and this opens him up as well, and, so, Naked Newton also begins to experiment with his own sexual identity. As you can see, we have a classic Hannah Montana situation developing.

Cut to: Jeff and Elon are playing video games together online. But they don’t know they are playing against one another. Ostensibly, it’s Naked Newton and Chi Chi Sparklemaster and none is the wiser. They begin the delicate dance only two drag queens can maneuverer. And that is where our story takes a darker turn. But we will need to wait for the next piece of art for that bit.

Here’s the audio version of this very tale. If you’re that way inclined…