I have a funny story for you.

So, I was staying in Fort Lauderdale, and I was in an elevator with my camera. This couple got on with me and they excitedly said, “Are you a photographer?!?”

I said I was.

Then they said, “Will you take photos of our baby? Our baby is so amazing! We just got married and we’re Jews! And this baby is the best thing ever!”

I said, “No, I don’t really take photos of babies or people or anything.”

Then they started begging, telling me how amazing their baby was and it got super-awkward really quickly.

Let me back up a second… So, the female half of the couple is Definitely not the girl in this photo. I’ll get to that in a moment. They were both very short and dressed in these all-black robe-things. The girl was particularly tiny, but she had a giant head and face like a full-grown woman. They were probably about 20 years old, but something about them totally freaked me out. When this large-plate-faced woman would stare at me, she would never blink. She was kind of like a living doll in the horror-movie style of doll.

Okay, fast forward to the next day. There’s a huge ruckus out in the hallway. I go outside, and hotel security is trying to force open the door. A manager is there, and then I realize I hear a baby crying. It’s just wailing away inside. Total chaos. They can’t get the door open all the way because of that hotel-chain thing…

The manager yells, “Ma’am you must let us inside! This baby is crying and is obviously in distress!” No one comes to the door and things are getting dicey. I go back into my room, which is right across the hall, and look out the balcony. I’m right above the pool, and I look down, and see the mom and dad laying out at the pool, still wearing these giant black smocks. I think, WTF? Did the baby chain itself into the room? Is there someone else in there?

So I go back to the hallway to talk to the manager and security, and everyone is gone. I’m still thinking WTF. I still hear the baby crying.

Fast forward to next day. I leave the room and this strange tiny couple is outside my door, waiting on me.

They say, “Oh the photographer! Will you please take photos of our baby! I’ll pay you anything you want! How much do you charge?”

I’m super-creeped out now and say, “Listen, I really don’t take photos of people or babies or anything. I do mostly landscape and travel photography.”

They keep insisting, so I just go back into my room to hide.

Fast-forward to later in the day. I leave the room, and I see another young woman come out of their room. She’s maybe 19. We walk down the hallway together and get on the elevator.

“Are you with those people in that room?” I ask her.

“Oh no, they found me on the internet,” she says, then happily pushes the lobby button.

“What do you mean, they found you on the internet?” I ask, obviously.

“I was babysitting,” she offered.

“Aha,” I said. “I’ve heard that baby is absolutely amazing.”

She gave me a quizzical look then ran off the elevator at the bottom.

Fast-forward to the next day. I’m trying to get some photos of Fort Lauderdale that are interesting. I know this girl Katie-Ann and her boyfriend Pascha through a charity event. She’s kind of a model, and I asked if she wanted to spend a few hours to get fun photos on the beach and at the pool. They say sure, and come out to meet me at the pool.

I start posing Katie-Ann, tell her to go this way and that… we’re having lots of fun and taking photos for quite a while. Then, all of the sudden, that tiny girlwoman with the black smock and the giant head walks over to me very seriously.

She stares me down and says, “I thought you didn’t take photos of people!!!”

“Well,” I cowered, “she’s just a friend and I’m taking photos for fun.”

“Why won’t you take photos of our baby? Our baby is very beautiful.”

And at this point, I’m starting to think they kidnapped this baby and they’re on the run or something. I just could not figure it out. Finally, I had enough.

“Listen, lady. I’m sure your baby is amazing. It sounds like you gave birth to Jesus or something even though you don’t believe in him. For now, I’m going to take photos of my friend – why don’t you go have a pina colada and relax a bit.”

And that was the last I heard from them.