After a phone call to the city of Milford (where I am pretty sure I heard a pig being slopped in the background), I was informed that the arrest warrant was for a speeding ticket. I explained to them that I paid it right away, since I am a good citizen. I then heard them shuffling around some papers and she said, “I can’t find it.” I told her that she might want to check a filing cabinet or something, because I doubt it was actually on her desk. She then excoriated, “That will be $495 to have the arrest warrant lifted.”

So I sent the damn check.